After the tears, the incredible feeling of failure set in. I began to question my abilities as a teacher; the ways I carved leadership opportunities for myself or acted upon opportunities to show leadership; my reputation at school. I felt worthless: maybe I wasn't as great a teacher as I thought and had been led to believe, maybe my leadership skills were undeveloped, maybe I was THAT person, the one nobody wants to work with.
Fortunately, the debrief with my principal helped to put my mind at ease. It wasn't that I'm horrible that I didn't get the job; the successful candidate was simply better.
|The reasons I keep trying. Photo courtesy Ravens Ridge Photo.|
The experience also made me consider how to want to role model failure for my daughters. I want them to take risks, to put themselves out there, to be vulnerable. I want them to be okay with failing, and realize that there is a difference between failing and being a failure. I don't want failure to prevent them from going for what they want or to make them question their self-worth. And I can't let failure do the same to me.